TOADVENTURES!
by BosseySaucey
Summary: The adventures of everybody's favorite mushroomy underlings! New Chapters Monday, Wednesday and Friday (Wednesdays only during the Summer)! I'm always open to suggestions!
1. The Beginning

Under the Sea - Year 198X

Here we are - an amazing phenomenon is about to happen. (A cell floats by) This here cell is going to make history, by evolving into a brand new creature. The cell beeps, as it lights up and starts morphing. The cell grows a small mushroom-shaped head. Soon enough, It is now growing eyes and a mouth. Spots are forming on the mushroom's cap. Now it-

Cell: HELLO!

Oh. Hi, I guess.

Cell: I'M TOOOOOAAAAD!

Toad, ey?

Toad: IT'S VERY LONELY HERE.

Yeah, you're the only one of your species.

Toad 2: HI THERE! I'M TOAD!

For Fu-

Toad: HEY, WANNA BE FRIENDS?

Toad 2: HELL YEAH!

Toad: THIS WATER PLACE IS BORING ME OUT.

Toad 2: I HEARD THERE'S THIS PLACE CALLED LAND, WANNA CHECK IT OUT?

Toad: HELL YEAH!

OK, so the two Toads climb up onto the sandy beach. Wait, what's this, they're growing hands and feet! How marvelous!

Toad: WHAT ARE THESE THINGIES?

Toad 2: I LIKE WAVING THEM! I CAN WALK NOW!

Toad: YEAH. SWIMMING IS SO 197X.

The duo now stumble across one of the already roaming creatures, the Yoshi.

Yoshi: Yoshi!

Toad: ER. MAH. GERD. IT IS SOOOO CU-YOOTE!

Toad 2: WHAT DO WE NAME HIM?

(The Yoshi produces an egg)

Toad 2: HE POOOOPED AN EGG!

Toad: OK, SO WE'LL CALL HIM POOPY!

Yoshi: Brrrim!

(Poopy sticks his tongue out, twirling it around the two Toads)

Toad: OMG! WE'RE STUCK!

(Poopy eats the Toads)

I guess the two Toads have found themselves in quite a predicament.

Toad 2: YA THINK?

Meanwhile, Inside Poopy's belly:

(The Toads are sitting in the stomach, while the roof drips with odd green liquid)

Toad: THIS SUCKS.

Toad 2: AT LEAST WE WEREN'T EATEN BY A TYRANTRUM. THAT WOULD BE THE ABSOLUTE WORST.

(The stomach rumbles)

Well, it's gonna be worse coming out than it was coming in.

Soon enough, Toads would populate the area, most notably the Mushroom Kingdom area. Join us next time as we take a look at the modern world of Toads.

Toad: THIS IS GOING TO SUCK.

Disclaimer Thingy: Toads, Mario and any other properties mentioned in this fanfiction are property of Nintendo. I can't just use the properties and not give permission. Nothing's free, yo.


	2. The Superhero

AFTER MY PARENTS WERE KILLED BY BATS, I BECAME:

Toad: nanananananananananaBATTOAD!

Toad. Your parents weren't killed by bats. They weren't even killed in the first place.

Toad: IT WAS A TRAGIC DAY, OK?

They're still alive. You saw them yesterday. Plus, In the real story of Batman, they were killed by a man with a gun.

Toad: THEY WERE GUN BATS.

Toad: ANYWAYS, I GOTTA SAVE THE WORLD!

(storms out front door)

And now for the adventures of….BATTOAD!

Episode 1: The Bank

At the bank of downtown Mushroom City…..

(A Koopa walks into the store)

Koopa: Yes, hello. I'd like to withdraw some money.

Meanwhile, BatToad is hiding in front of the bank.

BatToad: WITHDRAW….MONEY?

Koopa: Yep, all my money in my account.

BatToad: (runs in) CRIMINAL SSSSCUM!

(kicks Koopa)

Koopa: OUCH! Why did you do that?

BatToad: YOU WERE STEALING MONEY!

Koopa: I was just withdrawing money from my account.

BatToad: (calls 911) YEP, WE GOT A STEALER HERE, FOLKS.

In the end...erm….BatToad saved the day or whatever.

BatToad: EXCUSE ME, CAN I, LIKE, WITHDRAW $500 FROM MY ACCOUNT?

THE END!

Disclaimer Thingy: Toads, Mario and any other properties mentioned in this fanfiction are property of Nintendo. I can't just use the properties and not give permission. Nothing's free, yo.


	3. The Adventure

Just a normal day at Peach's Tower….

Mario: (reading newspaper) Oh Garfield, you're such a lazy kitty!

Toad: OH SSSHHHIT MARIO THE PRINCESS HAS BEEN CAAAAAAPTURED!

Mario: Mmmmmhmmmm.

.

.

.

.

Mario: OH FUCK!

Toad: YEAH! CAPTURED AGAIN! Canipleasecomeonyouradventuremario

Mario: What was that?

Toad: (Breathes in) CAN I PLEEEEASE COME ON AN ADVENTURE WITH YOU?

Mario: Come on man, it's too dangerous for you.

Toad: YOU ALWAYS SAY THAT!

Mario: Yeah, when?

 **1985**

Mario: I gotta go, the princess has been captured!

Toad: CAN I COME WITH YOU?

Mario: No. How about you stay in a castle at the end at each world and tell me that the princess is in another castle?

Toad: ohokayiguess

 **1989**

Mario: I gotta go...again. The princess has been captured….again.

Toad: PLEEEEEZE?

Mario: Didn't I say no, like 4 years ago? How about you stay at home, it's too dangerous for you.

Toad: ugh FFFFIIINNNE

 **1991**

Mario: Ugh. This is getting repetitive. I gotta go save the princess again.

Toad: (makes whimper face)

Mario: Dinosaur Land is too dangerous for you. The Yoshi there like mushrooms.

Toad: OH, SO THEY'RE FRIENDS WITH US?

Mario: No, they want to fucking eat you.

Toad: (makes shocked face)

 **1996**

Mario: Gotta save princess….again.

Toad: LEMME GUESS, I STAY HERE.

Mario: Yeh.

 **2002**

Toad: SO YOU ARE GOING TO A GODDAMN TROPICAL ISLAND, AND YOU'RE NOT TAKING ME?

Mario: Yep. See you in hell. (Slams door)

Toad: I PRAY TO TOAD GOD, I HOPE MARIO GETS ARRESTED AND HAS TO WORK AS A JANITOR THERE CLEANING UP GOOEY STUFF AFTER BOWSER JR. GETS IT ALL OVER THE ISLAND.

 **2009**

Mario: Guess what Toad, you're coming with me!

Toad: REALLY?

Mario: Yep, Blue and Yellow Toad, get over here!

Blue Toad: SUCK IT, REDDY.

Yellow Toad: LETSA GO!

 **2013**

Mario: OK, so Bowser captured some fairies, and now we gotta go and save them.

Luigi and Peach: Let's Go!

Toad: HEY MARIO, CAN I COME?

Mario: I'm sorry mate, no Toads allowed.

Mario: Hey you, Blue Toad, wanna come on an adventure with us?

Blue Toad: HELL YEAH, BITCH!

Back to present day…

Toad: YOU SEE?

Mario: Well you were in Super Mario Bros. 2..

Toad: CAN I PLEASE COME WITH YOU?

Mario: Ugh. Fine. Letsa go or whatever.

(The two run out the door)

 **5 Minutes Later**

Beep..Beep..Beep

Toad: Ugh, where am I?

Mario: (looking down at Toad) You're in the hospital.

Mario: Right after you ran outside, you slipped on a banana peel and fell.

Donkey Kong: Wasn't me.

Mario: Yeah, you broke your voice box, so you can't scream anymore.

Toad: What? Screaming is our main way of communicating!

Mario: Luckily, somebody donated a spare voice box to you.

Toad: Ugh..ROOOOOAR.

Bowser: Yep. It was me.

Mario: I guess this whole fiasco has taught us a valuable lesson. DON'T EVER TRUST TOAD.

Disclaimer Thingy: Toads, Mario and any other properties mentioned in this fanfiction are property of Nintendo. I can't just use the properties and not give permission. Nothing's free, yo.


	4. The Movies

Author's Note: I've heard some people are against the Toads speaking only in Capital letters. So I've tried to let them speak normally. Is this better now, guize?

Here, we'll take a look at two modern Toads and their experience at the cinema. Grab the popcorn. (+1 Pun Points to Narrator for cinema joke)

Toad: MAN, I CAN'T WAAAIT TO SEE SUPER TOAD FIGHTER 19!

Toad 2: Erm…I thought we were seeing Toadtanic. It's a love story about two Toads who go onto a romantic cruise and then it sinks.

Toad: What's so romantic about that?

Toad 2: ...then they have to stay on a raft and they kiss and stuff. ''I'LL NEVER LET GO, JAKE!'' or something.

Toad: Didn't that movie come out, like in the 90's?

Toad 2: Yeah bruh, but they're rereleasing it now.

Toad: I'm not watching a movie that came out 19 years ago! I wanna watch Super Toad Fighter 19, sequel to 2014's Super Toad Fighter 18!

Toad 2: Ugh. FFIIIIINNNEEE.

(at the cinema)

Toad 2: Okay, I'll go get seats, and you get the snacks. But remember, the spending limit is $20.

Toad: OKAY-DOKAY!

(the two split up)

Toad 2: Okay, let's g-

(the whole theater is full)

Toad 2: Oh no.

Toad 2: WAIT! Row 5, seat 6 is empty! But we'll need, like 3 seats!

(suddenly, an animal shelter commercial comes up on the screen)

Commercial: It's Tragic. Over 1,000,000,000,000,000,000 animals are abused each day. Please donate to these suffering animals. Drop by one of our shelters to adopt an animal or visit us at  .com.

Toad 2: Wait. I got an Idea. HEY, THERE ARE FREE KITTIES IN THE PARKING LOT!

(The entirety of the audience bursts out of the theatre)

Toad 2: Works every time.

Meanwhile, at the snack counter….

Toad: Ok, so I'll take 2 large popcorns and 2 medium Cokes.

Receptionist: OK Then, that'll be...erm….$10.00 plus tax.

Toad: Ok then, so-

Receptionist: WAIT! You can upgrade the two Cokes to larges for only $1.00 each!

Toad: That's a pretty good deal, so-

Receptionist: WAIT! You can add a pack of Sour Patch Kids for only $2.99!

Toad: OK, so I'll take tw-

Receptionist: Ok, last offer! You can add a radioactive scorpion for only $50.00!

Toad: OMG! Yaaaas! I'll take 10!

Receptionist: Ok, so that's..umm..$517.98..and with tax that would be…$2000.00.

Toad: We. have. a. Deal. The scorpion was a great offer!

(In the theater)

Toad: (walking through the row) Sooooooo, okay, I got 2 Large Popcorns, two Large Cokes, Two packs of Sour Patch Kids, and 10 radioactive scorpions!

Toad 2: Okay then….wait. Radioactive scorpions?

Toad: Yup.

Toad 2: HOW MUCH DID THAT COST?

Toad: Like, $2000.

Toad 2: You asshole! That's my whole credit card balance! How am I gonna pay my rent?

Toad: Well, you ca-

AND NOW, TIME FOR YOUR FEATURE PRESENTATION! (dun dun dun)

Super.

Toad.

FIGHTER!

18!

Just a normal day in Toadia…

CRASH!

''It is I, the TOAD MENACE! MUAHAHAHAHA!''

''Not so fast, Toad Menace!''

''Huh?''

''It is I, Super Toad Fighter!''

''YOU CAN'T STOP ME, TOAD FIGHTER!''

''(kicks Toad Menace in crotch)''

''MY WEINER!''

Fin.

Toad: That.

Toad 2: Was.

Toad: Awesome!

Toad 2: Stupid.

THE END.

Disclaimer Thingy: Toads, Mario and any other properties mentioned in this fanfiction are property of Nintendo. I can't just use the properties and not give permission. Nothing's free, yo.


	5. The Race

Toad 1: Grab the popcorn, it's sports time!

Toad 2: Hell yeah! I brought wings, Doritos, pizza and of course…

Toad 1 and 2: MOOOOUUNTIN DOOOOOOOO!

Toad 1: So, what channel? TESPN (Toad Entertainment & Sports Network), TBS Sports (Toad Brodcasting System Sports), TWE Network? (Toad Wrestling Entertainment Network)

Toad 2: Hell no, bruh. Turn it to channel 85.

Toad 1: OK. 8. 5.

Cssssssh!

 **You are watching the Toad Racing Network, TRN! And now, for the Mario Kart Championships 201X!**

 **Thanks, Bob. I'm Lukas the Lakitu, and me and the crew are at Mario Racetrack. The racers are just getting ready. Our roster includes the famous Mario, hero and owner of this here track, Luigi, his younger and more childish brother, The mean, green kidnapping machine Bowser, who also brought along one of his minions, Koopa, The less mean, green eating machine Yoshi, Mario's polar opposite Wario and his brother Waluigi, the famous ape, DK, the mysterious Shy Guy, Princess Daisy from the far away Sarasaland, and the princess herself, Princess Peach, ruler of the Mushroom Kingdom. However, we have room for one more racer, so if you want to participate, come to Mario Racetrack now, or call 1-800-KAR-TING.**

Toad 1: (looks at Toad 2) Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Toad 2: No.

Toad 1: I'm gonna go and participate!

Toad 2: What about me?

Toad 1: (Walks out of door, sticking up middle finger)

 **Later, at the racetrack:**

Lukas: Anybody? No? OK, Let's start the ra-

Toad: Wait for me!

Lukas: Wait, we have one participant!

Toad: Yeah, so my name is Toad One, first name Toad, last name One, and I came to take the twelfth and final spot. So, where's my vehicle?

Suddenly, two Toads come carrying a small blue car with a mushroom symbol on it.

Toad Mechanics: Yep. Here you go. We made it just for you.

Toad: OMIGOSH IT'S BOOTYFUL!

Lukas: OK, The race is starting, get in your cars!

Toad gets in his car, ready to race.

 **Lukas: Okay, 3.2.1. STARRRRT!**

The racers begin to ride.

Toad: Ugh, Green Mario is in front of me.

Luigi: MY NAME IS LUIGI.

Toad: Who cares.

Toad suddenly smashes into an item box. A banana peel drops out.

Toad: A banana peel? (looks at Luigi)

Toad throws the peel at Green Mario's car, making him spin off the track.

Luigi: THAT'S LUIIIIIGIIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii…..(crashes into tree)

 **OOH, THAT'S GOTTA HURT. So, Green Mario is out of the race.**

Luigi: I'm not even gonna bother.

Toad sees Yoshi behind him.

Toad: Oh no.

 **(flashback)**

Yoshi: Yoshi!

Toad: ER. MAH. GERD. IT IS SOOOO CU-YOOTE!

Toad 2: WHAT DO WE NAME HIM?

(The Yoshi produces an egg)

Toad 2: HE POOOOPED AN EGG!

Toad: OK, SO WE'LL CALL HIM POOPY!

Yoshi: Brrrim!

(Poopy sticks his tongue out, twirling it around the two Toads)

Toad: OMG! WE'RE STUCK!

(Poopy eats the Toads)

 **(flashback ends)**

Toad: NNNOOOOO.

Toad bumps into Yoshi, making Yoshi fall off the track, go up a ramp, and fly far away.

 **DAAAMN. Yoshi is out of the race!**

Koopa passes Toad, looking back and blowing a raspberry. Toad then smashes another item block, finding a green shell.

Toad: Yes! (throws shell at Koopa)

Koopa gets blown off into a forest, with the shell tagging along.

Koopa: (recovers and looks at shell) Mom? Is that you?

 **Koopa is out of the race. Dude, Toad One is KILLING IT!**

DK, behind Toad, then tries to smash Toad in the rear. Toad smashes DK's front, smashing DK into Shy Guy, taking them both off the track.

 **Talk about killing two birds with one stone! DK and Shy Guy are out!**

Wario: WAHAHAHA! He'll never get me!

Toad: (Knocks Wario off track) Gotcha bitch.

 **Wario is out of the race!**

Waluigi: You defeat my brother, YOU HAVE TO WEH. I MEAN PAY.

Toad: (Knocks Waluigi off track) Talk about a….BAD PLAY.

 **yyyyeeeAAAAAAAAAAAAget it because he's evilAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH**

Bowser: So this guy can defeat 7 racers, but can he defeat me?

Toad: hey.

…

Bowser: OH SHIT! Getoutgetoutgetoutgetout

Bowser smashes an item box, and a Golden Mushroom comes out.

Bowser: What's this thing? (uses it) WOOOAH I'M GOING SO FAST!

Bowser starts spamming the mushroom, hurdling off a ramp far into the sky.

 **Bowser is out! But whoa, that was cool.**

Mario: (Rides toward Toad) You don't mess. With the Mario.

Toad smashes into the side of Mario's car very hard, sending him off into the sky.

 **Smash Announcer: K.O!**

 **Hey, you're not the one announcing here! Anyways, let's see what the other two racers, Daisy and Peach are up to.**

The two princesses are facing each other in their cars, western-style.

Peach: You're about to get dee-feated, bitch.

Daisy: It's time….to D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-DUEL!

The princesses get out of their cars, and start walking toward each other. They then run toward each other. Peach then takes her fist out, punching Daisy in the stomach hardly, sending her off into the sky, like many of the other racers.

Peach: That leaves only me….and TOAD.

Toad: You were saying?

Peach: Oh. It's YOU.

Toad: You're about to lose.

Peach starts driving toward Toad. When she is about to crash into him, she lightly taps the front of her car onto Toad's car, sending Toad far into space, exiting Earth's atmosphere, flying past Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus (haha, anus), Neptune, and even exiting the Milky Way galaxy.

Toad: Ugh, where am I?

Toad then realizes that there is no oxygen in space and dies.

 **Guess what? Toad is out of the race! Our Princess wins!**

Mario then finally lands on the racetrack after being sent off into the sky.

Peach: Mario?

Mario: I'm fine!

Peach: I won!

Mario: Cool.

Peach: I fuckin' pwned that son of a bitch. That fuckin' c-sucker deserved it.

Mario: Uh..cool. Wanna get a milkshake?

Peach: Yay! I luv milkshakez!

Mario: (Whispers) Sometimes, I don't get this woman.

 **Meanwhile...in space:**

Toad's dead body glides through the vacant body of space. Then, a huge looking ship passes by, then stops. A girl with blonde hair and a blue dress looks down at the body.

Rosalina: Let me guess, Mario Kart race?

 **THE END.**

Disclaimer Thingy: Toads, Mario and any other properties mentioned in this fanfiction are property of Nintendo. I can't just use the properties and not give permission. Nothing's free, yo.


End file.
